It has been a week and I am still not through with the hangover. Hence the blog title (previously "From hangover to withdrawal...to obsession).
I am watching City Hunter all over again (now on episode 10), alongside Boys Over Flowers (now on episode 9). How I do that and why, I really don't know. The Korean/Lee Min Ho obsession is all over me. I even dreamt about it 2 nights ago. My yoga instructor texted me that she won't be able to hold class because she will be in Pusan an Seoul on certain dates she mentioned. When I woke up, I checked my phone inbox and there's no message like that.
Can't wait for that trip in Seoul. I will really feel bad if my documentations aren't fixed by then, and if my visa application will be denied.
A documentation of sporadic whims. A repository of random memories. A keeper of fleeting thoughts. As Jessie Wallace puts it, "we are the sum of all moments of our lives."
Monday, April 30, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
From hangover to withdrawal
When I finished watching Goong in 2008, I was on a hangover for a week. In the years thereafter, I would still remember the drama and relive the scenes on youtube every now and then. I even downloaded some of my favorite musical scores 2 years ago (and re-downloaded recently since my old laptop was stolen by filthy burglars). Up until last month, I still have the same affection to it so much that I watched it again and even wrote about it here.
Now I'm feeling the frenzy all over again, not because of Goong but because of City Hunter! I loved Prince Shin-gun's character, the typical Korean drama alpha male na masungit but just knocks you off when he does all the romantic things unexpectedly. But my oh my, Yun Seong outdid him by leaps and bounds! The two stories are entirely in different categories. Goong is definitely a love story following two strangers who were arranged to be married. It is so cute and fun to watch.
On the other hand, City Hunter is dark. The love story between Yun Seong and Kim Na Na is placed in the backseat and the pursuit for revenge clearly steered the whole story. The father-and-son tension between Jin Pyo and Yun Seong is beautiful, which I think this is the best part of the story. The drama actually explored more on their relationship than that of Yun Seong and Kim Na Na. On the other hand, I see a lot of the Batman/Dark Knight-District Attorney Harvey Dent relationship in the City Hunter and Prosecutor Kim Yeong Ju.
Lee Min Ho was perfect as Yun Seong. I never thought he could pull off doing action scenes given that he's too good looking. But going back to the original Manga, the City Hunter really was good looking and playboy, something he uses as a cover-up or alibi.
I finished the 20th episode at 4am last Sunday. Until now, I still have a hangover and I just can't stop watching music videos, the best scenes and behind-the-scene footages. I swear I can even watch it all over again...right now! I even downloaded its theme songs and keep playing it over and over. I really miss it - everything about it. I even miss the sight of myself watching it, laughing in the wee hours, running to a coffee shop for Internet connection, all the anticipation and excitement. It pains me that it has ended. Right now, I'm feeling like I lost something that is so beautiful. But as they say, all good things must come to an end.
More than a hangover, I think this is withdrawal syndrome I am experiencing. Moving on, I started to watch my next Korean drama, Protect the Boss. It's been 2 days and I still cannot get past the first episode. Looks like I haven't fully moved on from City Hunter similar to breaking up with a boyfriend, and then trying to date again but it just doesn't work. Haha! I miss it so much already. I feel a tug at my heartstrings whenever I hear the Sad Run action theme, Suddenly, or even Cupid. But I cannot stop it. I need to feed on the longing. It will go away soon, I know.
If my plan to visit Seoul this October pushes through, I will definitely visit some of their shooting locations. Basta I love City Hunter and Lee Min Ho! Haha! It's crazy how someone I just described earlier as a "bohemian" can fall for Korean Dramas and be all-out bakya! I love it that I can live multiple lives and everybody need not know. Hehe.
Now I'm feeling the frenzy all over again, not because of Goong but because of City Hunter! I loved Prince Shin-gun's character, the typical Korean drama alpha male na masungit but just knocks you off when he does all the romantic things unexpectedly. But my oh my, Yun Seong outdid him by leaps and bounds! The two stories are entirely in different categories. Goong is definitely a love story following two strangers who were arranged to be married. It is so cute and fun to watch.
On the other hand, City Hunter is dark. The love story between Yun Seong and Kim Na Na is placed in the backseat and the pursuit for revenge clearly steered the whole story. The father-and-son tension between Jin Pyo and Yun Seong is beautiful, which I think this is the best part of the story. The drama actually explored more on their relationship than that of Yun Seong and Kim Na Na. On the other hand, I see a lot of the Batman/Dark Knight-District Attorney Harvey Dent relationship in the City Hunter and Prosecutor Kim Yeong Ju.
Lee Min Ho was perfect as Yun Seong. I never thought he could pull off doing action scenes given that he's too good looking. But going back to the original Manga, the City Hunter really was good looking and playboy, something he uses as a cover-up or alibi.
I finished the 20th episode at 4am last Sunday. Until now, I still have a hangover and I just can't stop watching music videos, the best scenes and behind-the-scene footages. I swear I can even watch it all over again...right now! I even downloaded its theme songs and keep playing it over and over. I really miss it - everything about it. I even miss the sight of myself watching it, laughing in the wee hours, running to a coffee shop for Internet connection, all the anticipation and excitement. It pains me that it has ended. Right now, I'm feeling like I lost something that is so beautiful. But as they say, all good things must come to an end.
More than a hangover, I think this is withdrawal syndrome I am experiencing. Moving on, I started to watch my next Korean drama, Protect the Boss. It's been 2 days and I still cannot get past the first episode. Looks like I haven't fully moved on from City Hunter similar to breaking up with a boyfriend, and then trying to date again but it just doesn't work. Haha! I miss it so much already. I feel a tug at my heartstrings whenever I hear the Sad Run action theme, Suddenly, or even Cupid. But I cannot stop it. I need to feed on the longing. It will go away soon, I know.
If my plan to visit Seoul this October pushes through, I will definitely visit some of their shooting locations. Basta I love City Hunter and Lee Min Ho! Haha! It's crazy how someone I just described earlier as a "bohemian" can fall for Korean Dramas and be all-out bakya! I love it that I can live multiple lives and everybody need not know. Hehe.
Feather and Red Star
I would have wanted as my first tattoo the traditional tattoo from Kalinga etched on my back by Apo Fang-ud herself. But it is very difficult to spare more than 12 hours of travel and a couple more of hiking. I still am not in Sagada for my fieldwork, and the possibility of it seems blurry as of the moment. I have decided to reverse my plan and go for the machine tattoo method first.
This is my version of the mother and child, my elder sister and her firstborn.
My sister's name is Angel. Born only a year apart, we grew up very close with each other. Elders refer to us as kambal or twins. We always wore the same clothes, we attended the same school until elementary, we always played together as kids and were punished together by our mother. Though we attended different schools in college, we were very close we'd meet up after school to eat out and watch movies. She got married in 2008 and I missed her so much the first week she wasn't home. I tried my best to still be there for her so I made it a point to look after her especially on the latter part of her first pregnancy.
I thought of a wing (angel's wing) but over a conversation with friends, a feather seems to be the better option. This one friend told a story about another friend of his who believes in Angels and once dreamt of holding on to the Angel's wings until a feather was plucked. Upon waking up, inside his/her clasped hand is a feather.
Dreaming of feathers means a desire to achieve a goal or overcome a challenge while the feather itself "deal with ascension and spiritual evolution to a higher plane." Different cultures have believed the feather to be a symbol of connectedness to higher wisdom and spirituality.
This is my version of the mother and child, my elder sister and her firstborn.
 |
| Mock up only; not yet the real thing |
My sister's name is Angel. Born only a year apart, we grew up very close with each other. Elders refer to us as kambal or twins. We always wore the same clothes, we attended the same school until elementary, we always played together as kids and were punished together by our mother. Though we attended different schools in college, we were very close we'd meet up after school to eat out and watch movies. She got married in 2008 and I missed her so much the first week she wasn't home. I tried my best to still be there for her so I made it a point to look after her especially on the latter part of her first pregnancy.
I thought of a wing (angel's wing) but over a conversation with friends, a feather seems to be the better option. This one friend told a story about another friend of his who believes in Angels and once dreamt of holding on to the Angel's wings until a feather was plucked. Upon waking up, inside his/her clasped hand is a feather.
Dreaming of feathers means a desire to achieve a goal or overcome a challenge while the feather itself "deal with ascension and spiritual evolution to a higher plane." Different cultures have believed the feather to be a symbol of connectedness to higher wisdom and spirituality.
- Feathers were worn by Native American Chiefs to symbolize their communication with Spirit, and to express their celestial wisdom.
- As a Celtic symbol meaning, the feather was worn by Druids in the form of ornate feathered robes. Celtic Druids donned these robes in ceremonies to invoke the sky gods and gain knowledge of the celestial realm. It was believed that the feathered cloak along with the presence of the sky gods would allow the Druid to transcend the earthly plane and enter the ethereal realm.
- The Egyptians believed that feathers were symbolic of sky gods too. Ma'at, the Egyptian goddess of justice, would weigh the hearts of the newly dead in the underworld against the weight of a feather to determine the worthiness of his or her soul.
- In Christianity feathers represented virtues. In fact, an image of three feathers were made into signet rings - each feather symbolizing Charity, hope, and faith. These rings were worn as a symbol of a virtuous soul - they were also used as wax seals.
The dream interpretation of feathers mean travel or the ability to move freely in life. Now I know why the typical "Bohemian" look is characterized by the use of feather accessories. According to the dictionary, the term bohemian (n) is defined as A restless vagabond; -- originally, an idle stroller or gypsy (as in France) thought to have come from Bohemia; in later times often applied to an adventurer in art or literature, of irregular, unconventional habits, questionable tastes, or free moral. A bohemian is also described as a nonconformist writer or artist who lives an unconventional life or someone who refuses to conform to established standards of conduct
I never wanted to call attention to myself and I often feel awkward about other people saying what they think about me. I'm not into achieving a certain look, or creating an image of myself simply because I'm one person who don't like to be noticed so there's absolutely no point in image-making for myself. Nonetheless, I have found people branding me as such: artist, unconventional, explorer, free-spirit. And that was what my friend said about the importance of character when thinking of an image to symbolize yourself. Being one of those who truly knows me, he said the feather symbol suits my character well.
Aside from the feather, a huge part of my character is captured by the image of a simple red 5-point star.
According to Wikipedia, the five-pointed red star, a pentagram without the inner pentagon, is a symbol of communism. It is sometimes understood to represent the five fingers of the worker's hand, as well as the five continents. A lesser known suggestion is that the five points on the star were intended to represent the five social groups that would lead Russia to communism: the youth, the military, the industrial labourers, the agricultural workers or peasantry, and the intelligentsia. It was one of the emblems, symbols, and signals representing the Soviet Union under the rule of the Communist Party, along with the hammer and sickle.
Very few people know this side of me. For this reason, I sometimes feel that I live a double life. It is something I can't just casually discuss to anyone. Even if I am not actually "there", I still want to be reminded to keep hoping that one day, a hundred flowers shall bloom.
Aside from that symbolism, my firstborn niece is named Tala (star). She is the first in the family. The first grandchild, the first niece, the first of the third generation. And I love this child so much. So I offer this symbol to her and to the whole family as well.
I think tattooing is an exercise in self-awareness. It makes you think and reflect on who you are, who you live for, your motivations for living and reasons for being for it to be truly meaningful. For these reasons, I am confident that I will never regret my first ink.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Blueprint
I am here in a coffeeshop and across me looks like a group of young architects ogling over a blueprint. Whenever I have an encounter with architects, I always remember him.
I did not stay long enough to see him get his license. If only we parted nicely, I would have congratulated him. Because in my heart of hearts, I am truly proud of him for making it.
I did not stay long enough to see him get his license. If only we parted nicely, I would have congratulated him. Because in my heart of hearts, I am truly proud of him for making it.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Fan-girling
Okay, so now I'm officially a Lee Min Ho fan-girl. Gotta love the height/stature, cheek bone and jaw line, the prominent Adam's apple, and the pretty face. Oh, the pretty face.
And I don't even care if his face is the work of nature or doctors. If the latter, then this is one of those moments when the end justifies the means.
Monday, April 16, 2012
The perils of being small
I've been co-running our very own baby research agency since 2007. I fell in love with the nitty gritty details of running a company, of working with your own salaried employees and freelancers, of negotiating with clients with the full knowledge of how the project is priced down to the last centavo.
As a small research agency, we don't have much of the leeway big agencies have when it comes to profit. I've been to one and the profit margins are really exorbitant (up to nearly four-fold). It is reasonable, really, knowing that they have higher salaries from the directors down to the RAs. Plus they rent in prime office buildings. This allows them to baby their clients to the core all in the name of client servicing - a concept I so loathe. This means buying them Starbucks, ordering food for them, serving them with drinks and chips. My colleagues call this babysitting, only they're not babies but annoying corporate executive brats.
Compared to them, we have lower operational expenses (but not necessarily lower salaries!). But all in all, we offer rock-bottom rates. For instance, in one project bidding that we won, a mole revealed to me that our cost is not even half as much as the cost of the next lowest bidder.
But does this give any client any right to abuse us? Abuse: asking more of what's stipulated in the contract. Do they even know what additional unaccounted for expenditures mean to small agencies like us? They're actually asking us to cut our own profit.
I woke up to a call of this kind of client. I almost lost it with her on the phone. It's just a small project, not even a full-service research. But she insists on some additional work outside of what was agreed upon. We argued for a few minutes, and told her I'll get back to her.
I consulted my partner if we can spend for this out of our own pocket. Okay. At the end of the day, its the thought that they can just go around the contract like 5-year old kids breaking down inside the store that is most annoying.
We decided to comply. They say the customer is always right. And I hate this. This much stress for P2,000. Seriously?!?
As a small research agency, we don't have much of the leeway big agencies have when it comes to profit. I've been to one and the profit margins are really exorbitant (up to nearly four-fold). It is reasonable, really, knowing that they have higher salaries from the directors down to the RAs. Plus they rent in prime office buildings. This allows them to baby their clients to the core all in the name of client servicing - a concept I so loathe. This means buying them Starbucks, ordering food for them, serving them with drinks and chips. My colleagues call this babysitting, only they're not babies but annoying corporate executive brats.
Compared to them, we have lower operational expenses (but not necessarily lower salaries!). But all in all, we offer rock-bottom rates. For instance, in one project bidding that we won, a mole revealed to me that our cost is not even half as much as the cost of the next lowest bidder.
But does this give any client any right to abuse us? Abuse: asking more of what's stipulated in the contract. Do they even know what additional unaccounted for expenditures mean to small agencies like us? They're actually asking us to cut our own profit.
I woke up to a call of this kind of client. I almost lost it with her on the phone. It's just a small project, not even a full-service research. But she insists on some additional work outside of what was agreed upon. We argued for a few minutes, and told her I'll get back to her.
I consulted my partner if we can spend for this out of our own pocket. Okay. At the end of the day, its the thought that they can just go around the contract like 5-year old kids breaking down inside the store that is most annoying.
We decided to comply. They say the customer is always right. And I hate this. This much stress for P2,000. Seriously?!?
It's a wrap: Part 2
Speaking of dramas that wrapped up, Angelito also ended its 5-month run last Friday. For the record, the finale episode was a let down. The lines did not kill, flashback overload, montage overload, and just too much airtime spent on eye contact between Angelito and Rosalie. Parang para matapos nalang at ibigay ang kilig na pinakahihintay ng audience kahit wala namang laman. And the Hongkong Disneyland conversation was, to use an overused and anoying phrase, an epic fail.
I wish she could have said herself that it was him all along that she has loved. The only time a line made sense was Rosalie saying that she fears she might Angelito if they get back together.
Apparently, there are talks of making a sequel. I though That would be nice. Papanoorin ko parin. Haha!
SIDE NOTE: Teka, bakit puro teleserye at Korean drama ang entries ko lately? It must have been due to the week of finales. I would have wanted to write about my aroma craze and other things, but let's save that for another day. For now, naririnig ko na tumitilaok ang mga manok ng kapitbahay.
I wish she could have said herself that it was him all along that she has loved. The only time a line made sense was Rosalie saying that she fears she might Angelito if they get back together.
Apparently, there are talks of making a sequel. I though That would be nice. Papanoorin ko parin. Haha!
SIDE NOTE: Teka, bakit puro teleserye at Korean drama ang entries ko lately? It must have been due to the week of finales. I would have wanted to write about my aroma craze and other things, but let's save that for another day. For now, naririnig ko na tumitilaok ang mga manok ng kapitbahay.
It's a wrap: Part 1
I just wrapped up another Korean Drama: Personal Taste.
Personal Taste is its official English title, but renamed Perfect Match here in the Philippines. I loved this drama in 2010 that's why I watched it again. The finale of City Hunter which also starred Lee Min Ho triggered my interest in Perfect Match once more. Bilang mahilig sa paulit-ulit, inulit ko nga. Hehe. Na-endure ko naman ang 16 hours in about 4 days. Grabe.
Ang gwapo ni Lee Min Ho! At naaliw ako to see how Korean dramas and Pinoy Teleseryes are like Venus and Mars - they're entirely different planets! The cultural difference is so striking with the fast paced-ness of the story, the characterizations, the script. I could go on and on but that's another topic. I'm here for entertainment but I can't help but go past the entertainment side of it. That's my CommRes side speaking. Haha! Basag-trip!
Next up: City Hunter. I only watch it on TV whenever I'm able to catch it. But I really stood by the last 3 days, where all the secrets were revealed. I want to know all about it so I'm going back to first episode. It has 20 episodes = 20 hours.
I really need to practice self-control. These dramas can be really so addicting causing me to stay up until sunrise!
Personal Taste is its official English title, but renamed Perfect Match here in the Philippines. I loved this drama in 2010 that's why I watched it again. The finale of City Hunter which also starred Lee Min Ho triggered my interest in Perfect Match once more. Bilang mahilig sa paulit-ulit, inulit ko nga. Hehe. Na-endure ko naman ang 16 hours in about 4 days. Grabe.
Ang gwapo ni Lee Min Ho! At naaliw ako to see how Korean dramas and Pinoy Teleseryes are like Venus and Mars - they're entirely different planets! The cultural difference is so striking with the fast paced-ness of the story, the characterizations, the script. I could go on and on but that's another topic. I'm here for entertainment but I can't help but go past the entertainment side of it. That's my CommRes side speaking. Haha! Basag-trip!
Next up: City Hunter. I only watch it on TV whenever I'm able to catch it. But I really stood by the last 3 days, where all the secrets were revealed. I want to know all about it so I'm going back to first episode. It has 20 episodes = 20 hours.
I really need to practice self-control. These dramas can be really so addicting causing me to stay up until sunrise!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
In pursuit of autumn
Napadesisyunan kong i-celebrate ang birthday ko sa South Korea this October. Well, September ang birthday ko pero October 18-27 nalang, just in time for autumn. September to November ang autumn, pero ang peak kung saan nagpapalit na ng kulay ang mga dahon ay mid-October.
Solo flight 'to. :)
Since naisip ko to, lagi nalang akong distracted dahil gusto ko nang maayos ang mga papeles ko sa opisina (ITR, SEC registration) para mas madaling makakuha ng Visa. Based sa mga nabasa kong requirements, malaki ang chance kong ma-approve. Ang maganda sa lahat, libre ang visa application!
Nagche-check rin ako ng mga flights, sights at accomodation. Gusto ko sulitin kaya plano ko at least 8 nights. So far, here are the figures:
Airfare: Apx. P13,700 via Cebu Pacific of Cathay
Hotel: Dormitory type at 700/night x 8 is P5,600
Airport taxes: P4,000 (2 way)
Basic food and transpo: P1,200 x 9 = 10,800 (an average meal cost about 5,000 KRW or P186)
Extra: P6,000
TOTAL: P40,000
*I can stretch the budget to 50,000 but of course, it's better if I can keep everything within a shoestring
Pupunta ako sa Coffee Prince Coffee Shop! Ang ganda ng nakita kong mapa papunta dun. Syempre, yung 3 major palaces (Gyeongbokgung, Changdeokgung, Deoksugung), parks and streets kung saan mae-experience ko ang traditional Korean culture.
This blog makes a good reference: http://grrrltraveler.com/2010/06/finding-seoul-2/.
See you soon, Seoul!
| Seoul has selected three walkways — Seoul Grand Park’s Ginkgo Tree Road, Cheonggyecheon’s Fountain Grass Road, and Manguri Park’s Four Color Road — that are apparently nice for autumn strolls. Source: http://www.rjkoehler.com/2009/10/16/best-autumn-walks-in-seoul/ |
Solo flight 'to. :)
Since naisip ko to, lagi nalang akong distracted dahil gusto ko nang maayos ang mga papeles ko sa opisina (ITR, SEC registration) para mas madaling makakuha ng Visa. Based sa mga nabasa kong requirements, malaki ang chance kong ma-approve. Ang maganda sa lahat, libre ang visa application!
Nagche-check rin ako ng mga flights, sights at accomodation. Gusto ko sulitin kaya plano ko at least 8 nights. So far, here are the figures:
Airfare: Apx. P13,700 via Cebu Pacific of Cathay
Hotel: Dormitory type at 700/night x 8 is P5,600
Airport taxes: P4,000 (2 way)
Basic food and transpo: P1,200 x 9 = 10,800 (an average meal cost about 5,000 KRW or P186)
Extra: P6,000
TOTAL: P40,000
*I can stretch the budget to 50,000 but of course, it's better if I can keep everything within a shoestring
This blog makes a good reference: http://grrrltraveler.com/2010/06/finding-seoul-2/.
See you soon, Seoul!
Living alone
Reposting from a friend:
"Research shows that it's the quality, not the quantity, of social interactions that best predicts loneliness.. Living alone helps us pursue sacred modern values - individual freedom, personal control and self-realization. This means that living alone can help us discover who we are as well as what gives us meaning and purpose. Paradoxically, living alone might be exactly what we need to reconnect."
"Research shows that it's the quality, not the quantity, of social interactions that best predicts loneliness.. Living alone helps us pursue sacred modern values - individual freedom, personal control and self-realization. This means that living alone can help us discover who we are as well as what gives us meaning and purpose. Paradoxically, living alone might be exactly what we need to reconnect."
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Recollections
He's now officially a dad. His son was born April 3. Things are definitely going to turn around for him. it had been so ever since he learned he was going to be a dad. It all happened at the most inopportune time. He barely knew the girl. He just started "redeeming" himself and turning away from the black-sheep-of-the-family image. He just started to earn his own living, which in my book is quite late (27 years old).
It is as inopportune for me as it is for him. On my part, I have just discovered that he is a delight to talk to. This was even before he knew of the pregnancy. More so, this was even before everyone knew he had a girlfriend. This includes myself.
We met March of 2007 during an event of common friends. We were barely introduced and we barely passed a glance at each other. We were in a smaller group a year later when his group of friends and a group of mine joined to watch a movie together. Again, the meeting was insignificant and forgettable. Another 2 years later and he started working for our company. Early on, I sensed that he has potential and has no mean bone. Thus, I even assigned him as the team's leader. We approached each other professionally. To a certain extent, I was uncomfortable primarily because of the unfamiliarity. Naturally, as time went by, the walls started to break and I began noticing how nice his skin is, how tall he is and I liked how he speaks. I am not particularly buying the "rocker" vibe. But he's not scary. All in all, it was the height advantage that got me. The height advantage.
It was not until the summer of 2011 that I took full notice of him. By that time, I've already known him for 4 years and he was already working for us for a year and a half. I wanted so much to know what this guy's all about. But I did not know him too well so I did not know where to begin should I come up to him. Then an opportunity came. The whole office will go on a videoke night out. I told myself that I wouldn't pass at this chance to talk to him.
On that day, I was scheduled to attend to a whole-day work event at the PICC. The plan was to meet everyone else at the videoke place in the evening. Everything's all set.
I arrived at the PICC. Lo and behold. He was there. I was totally unprepared. The situation merited an immediate change of plans. I had to talk to him earlier than planned. I was waiting for the right timing, and the right topic. Surprisingly, the tables turned. He came up to me and asked about my new laptop.
The moment he struck up a conversation with me at an event in PICC last June, I knew he was something. It went on until the whole group from work went on a night out that same day. Right in the middle of the rowdiness and the pandemonium that is videoke, we were in our own bubble talking about life - how he was in college, his relationship with his closest friends, etc. I realized that from my initial plan of striking the first conversation, it went the other way around. He made my job easier for I suck at small talks. What happened was beyond expectations. I was happy and I did not even conjure illusions of romance.
The next days, I would intentionally drop by his work area just to talk. And boy we did talk. For hours. About absolutely anything: family, work, friends, interests, traits, music, religion, dreams in future (him owning a fish pond and me owning a farm). We'd spend hours and hours talking about anything under the sun. The longest conversation was a full 8 hours. We started at 5 pm and ended at 1 am. No bathroom breaks. No dinner break. Not even water breaks. When we got home, we were still exchanging texts, obviously overwhelmed with the unexpectedly lengthy conversation both of us have not had in years. When I got home, I thought that was what "connection" was all about. It was nothing short of cosmic!
We continued to talk in the coming weeks. Face-to-face, SMS, chat. It did not matter if it were for a few minutes or for hours. We will just talk whenever we can.
The last time I did was with my ex-boyfriend 6 years ago, and especially when we were starting to be friends 9 years ago. Medieval ages pa yun! That is where all the excitement is coming from - the fact that it is only now that I have met someone with whom I can be really be comfortable with - surprisingly the same (if not higher) level of ease with my ex, and which never manifested with any of the men I had "something' with.
But what I truly appreciate in these conversations we've had is that they were genuine. We were not at all flirting. We were not out to impress the other. We can put our feet up, curse to our hearts' content, gossip, belly laugh the hardest, yawn. I love that we can be so unglamorous around each other!
Close friends and family know I don't talk to strangers. Er. I suck at small talk and self-disclosure. Absolutely not a social butterfly. I warm up to people longer than the average human being. So what happened with him was really one of a kind.
I was so at ease that I even managed to tell him how amazed I am at how much I'm able to effortlessly disclose details about myself. Immediately after I said that, he returned by saying the same thing. He told me details that he has told only to his closest friends (there are 2 of them he considers as his brothers who know him inside-out).
Likewise, the more he disclosed details about him, the more I am starting to think that we are a lot like each other. At some point during one of our conversations, we talked about our ideal partners. Whether we deny it or not, by sheer coincidence or otherwise, we ended up describing exactly each other.
Picking up from this realization, I thought "we" had something.
Some 5 weeks of great conversations, he confessed something that unexpectedly broke my heart. During one of our chat sessions online in the wee hours, he told me that the girl he is dating is actually his girlfriend. I knew from the get-go he was dating this girl from the office. But I never knew they were already a couple. In fact, nobody knew because of certain issues in the workplace about them being together (age gap - girl is 6 years his senior, position in the office - girl is manager while he is a junior/entry-level employee). In fact, I was the first outside of his family and closest friends to know this information.
My heart broke even before it could beat for him.
I held the secret for him. And in our conversations thereafter, she's already a usual topic. Like how difficult it is to be in a relationship in secret, how uncomfortable he is with her friends at work when he joined them for lunch, how he felt demoralized each time she would pay for dinner. But he loves her. I know that because he's not the type who goes around breaking girls' hearts. He did have many relationships before, though. The longest lasted for only a year. Like my ex, I think he gets smitten early on hence the many ex-girlfriends. But unlike my ex, I think he's got more patience in the sense that he had courted a girl for a year but to no avail and he has stayed single for some two years. Then he dated someone for a year, and dated this girl 4 months after that year-long relationship ended.
Nonetheless, I couldn't help it but I cannot sense that he is madly in love with the girl. I was confiding to a close friend the whole time and she said that a guy wouldn't spend that much time with someone he's not interested in. Even my sister said the same thing. But "interest" is relative. It doesn't have to be romantic. But I must admit that I like him. I like talking to someone like him. It excites me that he's outside of my usual circle. The anonymity of our relationship thrilled me. We are like each others' secret friends. None in the office knew we've built this kind of friendship.
A month after, I can say I was already better. I did not actively entertain the idea of us any longer. At the same time, I did not entirely gave up on the idea of us. I was at a whatever-goes stage, not wanting to stress myself over these things - a typical case of me being a control freak of my own emotions.
But another bomb dropped yet again. She's pregnant with his child. It was so unexpected, and the confession did not come from him. While I knew all along that they've been together for a while, the girl's 4-month old belly could no longer hide their relationship. This time, our conversations comprised much about his fear about being a father, how unprepared he is, and how he looks at life ahead. We talked about how this has affected his relationship with his family, especially that they have decided to live together. Having a taste of the married life, he also started to reassess his relationship with her. He often asks himself is she's really the right partner in life and for life.
I was more than happy on my position as the confidante. As the cool friend. We were still around each other. We worked together on projects and we still continued to talk. There were instances when he would randomly tell me (via SMS) about interesting youtube videos which he thought I might like.
During our Christmas party, he asked me to accompany him smoke outside our hotel room. There he ranted about his situation, and we just talked away from everybody. The guy obviously needed a breather. One time, we also talked over the cell phone for four straight hours. And during an office lunch out, we were seated in front of each other and ended up talking as if 8 other people weren't there. One of them even remarked that it's as if we are on a date. Haha!
Now that he's a dad, I wonder how he is doing, what he feels and what his plans are. He has always been concerned about losing his freedom, his youth. One time, he even mentioned that if only he can have it his way, he'll move out and just provide monthly child support. But things can change, now that he's in love with his son.
I know we will never be together. But the friendship is not at all wasted. For what it's worth, he did have a purpose. I once told my friend that just when I forgot about the feeling of being strangely connected with someone, I met him.
It is as inopportune for me as it is for him. On my part, I have just discovered that he is a delight to talk to. This was even before he knew of the pregnancy. More so, this was even before everyone knew he had a girlfriend. This includes myself.
We met March of 2007 during an event of common friends. We were barely introduced and we barely passed a glance at each other. We were in a smaller group a year later when his group of friends and a group of mine joined to watch a movie together. Again, the meeting was insignificant and forgettable. Another 2 years later and he started working for our company. Early on, I sensed that he has potential and has no mean bone. Thus, I even assigned him as the team's leader. We approached each other professionally. To a certain extent, I was uncomfortable primarily because of the unfamiliarity. Naturally, as time went by, the walls started to break and I began noticing how nice his skin is, how tall he is and I liked how he speaks. I am not particularly buying the "rocker" vibe. But he's not scary. All in all, it was the height advantage that got me. The height advantage.
It was not until the summer of 2011 that I took full notice of him. By that time, I've already known him for 4 years and he was already working for us for a year and a half. I wanted so much to know what this guy's all about. But I did not know him too well so I did not know where to begin should I come up to him. Then an opportunity came. The whole office will go on a videoke night out. I told myself that I wouldn't pass at this chance to talk to him.
On that day, I was scheduled to attend to a whole-day work event at the PICC. The plan was to meet everyone else at the videoke place in the evening. Everything's all set.
I arrived at the PICC. Lo and behold. He was there. I was totally unprepared. The situation merited an immediate change of plans. I had to talk to him earlier than planned. I was waiting for the right timing, and the right topic. Surprisingly, the tables turned. He came up to me and asked about my new laptop.
The moment he struck up a conversation with me at an event in PICC last June, I knew he was something. It went on until the whole group from work went on a night out that same day. Right in the middle of the rowdiness and the pandemonium that is videoke, we were in our own bubble talking about life - how he was in college, his relationship with his closest friends, etc. I realized that from my initial plan of striking the first conversation, it went the other way around. He made my job easier for I suck at small talks. What happened was beyond expectations. I was happy and I did not even conjure illusions of romance.
The next days, I would intentionally drop by his work area just to talk. And boy we did talk. For hours. About absolutely anything: family, work, friends, interests, traits, music, religion, dreams in future (him owning a fish pond and me owning a farm). We'd spend hours and hours talking about anything under the sun. The longest conversation was a full 8 hours. We started at 5 pm and ended at 1 am. No bathroom breaks. No dinner break. Not even water breaks. When we got home, we were still exchanging texts, obviously overwhelmed with the unexpectedly lengthy conversation both of us have not had in years. When I got home, I thought that was what "connection" was all about. It was nothing short of cosmic!
We continued to talk in the coming weeks. Face-to-face, SMS, chat. It did not matter if it were for a few minutes or for hours. We will just talk whenever we can.
The last time I did was with my ex-boyfriend 6 years ago, and especially when we were starting to be friends 9 years ago. Medieval ages pa yun! That is where all the excitement is coming from - the fact that it is only now that I have met someone with whom I can be really be comfortable with - surprisingly the same (if not higher) level of ease with my ex, and which never manifested with any of the men I had "something' with.
But what I truly appreciate in these conversations we've had is that they were genuine. We were not at all flirting. We were not out to impress the other. We can put our feet up, curse to our hearts' content, gossip, belly laugh the hardest, yawn. I love that we can be so unglamorous around each other!
Close friends and family know I don't talk to strangers. Er. I suck at small talk and self-disclosure. Absolutely not a social butterfly. I warm up to people longer than the average human being. So what happened with him was really one of a kind.
I was so at ease that I even managed to tell him how amazed I am at how much I'm able to effortlessly disclose details about myself. Immediately after I said that, he returned by saying the same thing. He told me details that he has told only to his closest friends (there are 2 of them he considers as his brothers who know him inside-out).
Likewise, the more he disclosed details about him, the more I am starting to think that we are a lot like each other. At some point during one of our conversations, we talked about our ideal partners. Whether we deny it or not, by sheer coincidence or otherwise, we ended up describing exactly each other.
Picking up from this realization, I thought "we" had something.
Some 5 weeks of great conversations, he confessed something that unexpectedly broke my heart. During one of our chat sessions online in the wee hours, he told me that the girl he is dating is actually his girlfriend. I knew from the get-go he was dating this girl from the office. But I never knew they were already a couple. In fact, nobody knew because of certain issues in the workplace about them being together (age gap - girl is 6 years his senior, position in the office - girl is manager while he is a junior/entry-level employee). In fact, I was the first outside of his family and closest friends to know this information.
My heart broke even before it could beat for him.
I held the secret for him. And in our conversations thereafter, she's already a usual topic. Like how difficult it is to be in a relationship in secret, how uncomfortable he is with her friends at work when he joined them for lunch, how he felt demoralized each time she would pay for dinner. But he loves her. I know that because he's not the type who goes around breaking girls' hearts. He did have many relationships before, though. The longest lasted for only a year. Like my ex, I think he gets smitten early on hence the many ex-girlfriends. But unlike my ex, I think he's got more patience in the sense that he had courted a girl for a year but to no avail and he has stayed single for some two years. Then he dated someone for a year, and dated this girl 4 months after that year-long relationship ended.
Nonetheless, I couldn't help it but I cannot sense that he is madly in love with the girl. I was confiding to a close friend the whole time and she said that a guy wouldn't spend that much time with someone he's not interested in. Even my sister said the same thing. But "interest" is relative. It doesn't have to be romantic. But I must admit that I like him. I like talking to someone like him. It excites me that he's outside of my usual circle. The anonymity of our relationship thrilled me. We are like each others' secret friends. None in the office knew we've built this kind of friendship.
A month after, I can say I was already better. I did not actively entertain the idea of us any longer. At the same time, I did not entirely gave up on the idea of us. I was at a whatever-goes stage, not wanting to stress myself over these things - a typical case of me being a control freak of my own emotions.
But another bomb dropped yet again. She's pregnant with his child. It was so unexpected, and the confession did not come from him. While I knew all along that they've been together for a while, the girl's 4-month old belly could no longer hide their relationship. This time, our conversations comprised much about his fear about being a father, how unprepared he is, and how he looks at life ahead. We talked about how this has affected his relationship with his family, especially that they have decided to live together. Having a taste of the married life, he also started to reassess his relationship with her. He often asks himself is she's really the right partner in life and for life.
I was more than happy on my position as the confidante. As the cool friend. We were still around each other. We worked together on projects and we still continued to talk. There were instances when he would randomly tell me (via SMS) about interesting youtube videos which he thought I might like.
During our Christmas party, he asked me to accompany him smoke outside our hotel room. There he ranted about his situation, and we just talked away from everybody. The guy obviously needed a breather. One time, we also talked over the cell phone for four straight hours. And during an office lunch out, we were seated in front of each other and ended up talking as if 8 other people weren't there. One of them even remarked that it's as if we are on a date. Haha!
Now that he's a dad, I wonder how he is doing, what he feels and what his plans are. He has always been concerned about losing his freedom, his youth. One time, he even mentioned that if only he can have it his way, he'll move out and just provide monthly child support. But things can change, now that he's in love with his son.
I know we will never be together. But the friendship is not at all wasted. For what it's worth, he did have a purpose. I once told my friend that just when I forgot about the feeling of being strangely connected with someone, I met him.
Province boy
Flashback 2010 (an unfinished blog I just found out today)
I heard that an old fling of mine is getting married on November 20. Who is he?
So far, he holds the most romantic story of my otherwise romantic life. I met him in 2001 in a faraway barangay in a region somewhere in Northern Mindanao. He was my uncle's student. We did not really hit it off. From what I heard he liked another girl from our group. But I noticed that he is actually good looking! When I returned to Manila, I received a text message from him. Then he became a regular texter. For months and months, we would swap stories over SMS until one time, he asks if I could be his girlfriend. I am more than appalled at his behavior, even offended. For one, I hate the idea of a "text mate". Had I not met him once, he could very well qualify as just a text mate. Second, how could I be asked just like that, over SMS? Obviously, I refused and resented the idea. Lastly, the supposedly last line of defense of this situation is if I like him enough. The feeling of like or love bend all rules, right? Unfortunately, I did not like him, let alone love him. But I thought of him as a good person still.
We saw each other the year after when I returned in their province for the Integrated Summer Study Program of our school. We talked a bit. I ended up the one directing the conversation. The problem is that he is too silent. Maybe it's just his personality or maybe he's just like that when he's around me and all he could think of is I'm from Manila and he's just a farmer's son. The problem is we are not comfortable with each other. He obviously is not comfortable with me and that makes me feel uncomfortable. I have a very vague idea of what we talked about in the brief encounter.
***
Today is 2012 and I can't believe I haven't gotten back to this draft since then. Anyway, that guy, he's obviously married now with a baby girl. He even invited me to his wedding! Not that I'm feeling like a diva. But you know how it works in the province. His family knows who I was in his life. They knew we went together on a trip to Davao. They knew we talked constantly for a year. Plus I don't want any remark saying what's this girl from Manila doing here. I wouldn't want to steal the show from the bride.
We don't talk anymore. But our last exchange was nothing but pleasantries. He even invited me to come over to CDO. I know that he's really happy. After all, he always told me that he wanted a family. Only I didn't want it then. That's why we didn't work out. Nobody wants to go to lengths for the other. But all's well. He's a good man. He's living the dream and I'm happy for him. :)
I heard that an old fling of mine is getting married on November 20. Who is he?
So far, he holds the most romantic story of my otherwise romantic life. I met him in 2001 in a faraway barangay in a region somewhere in Northern Mindanao. He was my uncle's student. We did not really hit it off. From what I heard he liked another girl from our group. But I noticed that he is actually good looking! When I returned to Manila, I received a text message from him. Then he became a regular texter. For months and months, we would swap stories over SMS until one time, he asks if I could be his girlfriend. I am more than appalled at his behavior, even offended. For one, I hate the idea of a "text mate". Had I not met him once, he could very well qualify as just a text mate. Second, how could I be asked just like that, over SMS? Obviously, I refused and resented the idea. Lastly, the supposedly last line of defense of this situation is if I like him enough. The feeling of like or love bend all rules, right? Unfortunately, I did not like him, let alone love him. But I thought of him as a good person still.
We saw each other the year after when I returned in their province for the Integrated Summer Study Program of our school. We talked a bit. I ended up the one directing the conversation. The problem is that he is too silent. Maybe it's just his personality or maybe he's just like that when he's around me and all he could think of is I'm from Manila and he's just a farmer's son. The problem is we are not comfortable with each other. He obviously is not comfortable with me and that makes me feel uncomfortable. I have a very vague idea of what we talked about in the brief encounter.
***
Today is 2012 and I can't believe I haven't gotten back to this draft since then. Anyway, that guy, he's obviously married now with a baby girl. He even invited me to his wedding! Not that I'm feeling like a diva. But you know how it works in the province. His family knows who I was in his life. They knew we went together on a trip to Davao. They knew we talked constantly for a year. Plus I don't want any remark saying what's this girl from Manila doing here. I wouldn't want to steal the show from the bride.
We don't talk anymore. But our last exchange was nothing but pleasantries. He even invited me to come over to CDO. I know that he's really happy. After all, he always told me that he wanted a family. Only I didn't want it then. That's why we didn't work out. Nobody wants to go to lengths for the other. But all's well. He's a good man. He's living the dream and I'm happy for him. :)
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